Just gotta say. . .

The War of the Democrats™ is both is both fascinating and revealing. It's odd when longtime bedfellows finally get a chance to fight about their differences. Viva la flame. . .

BAAAHHH!!! BAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Why does shit like SHEEP feel so. . . dead on? Reminds me of an article I read in The Beast, that ended with this:

While [our] tribe’s recording tools are light years beyond the primitive cannibal stories they sing around the fire in Papua New Guinea, the laws that govern them are the same. And the most important law of them is that the tribe is never wrong, and can not fuck up, ever.

I need a drink now. . .

The Proletariat of a Conservative

I stumbled across the entertaining blog Johnny Pez a little while ago. This is funny because it's intentional:

A specter is haunting America -- the specter of conservative communism. All the powers of liberal fascism have entered into an unholy alliance to exorcise this specter: social worker and college professor, Moulitsas and Soros, San Francisco homosexuals and New York intellectuals.

This book will present a very serious, thoughtful argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care: that the roots of the modern-day American conservative movement can be found in the works of Marx and Engels, Lenin and Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot. We (and when I say "we", I of course speak of myself as a member of the conservative collective) will trace the intellectual roots of conservative communism from its origins in the 17th century conservative communitarian religious factions of Cromwellian England. I will follow that strain of belief as it is introduced into colonial America by such notable conservative communitarians as William Penn and Mother Ann Lee. I will examine the cross-pollination of ideas between 19th-century American religious communists and European secular communists. And finally, I will trace the convergence of these two communistic impulses into the modern Republican Party, the "Grand Old Revolutionary Vanguard Party", with its vast array of think tanks, media outlets, radical journals, revolutionary "militia" cells, warblogs, and self-reinforcing mytho-ideology.

As for the book being spoofed, however, it's not intentional.

Let us begin. . .

One year till teh worldz change. . . for the better. . . hopefully. . . not holding my breath or anything. . .

(h/t: Sadly, No!)

Our Fucked Country.

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. - H. L. Mencken

We're fucked. We really are. There's no two-ways about it. When the only candidates speaking any kind of truth to power are considered totally inconsequential and/or unelectable side-shows and the most pandering, vapid, triangulating and/or authority-addicted are the only real candidates, it's only getting worse. It doesn't matter what "image" we decide to elect, we'll all "get it good and hard."

Viva la pointlessness. . .

It's Alright, Ma' (it's only Jesus)

Disillusioned words like bullets bark
As human gods aim for their mark
Made everything from toy guns that spark
To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark
It's easy to see without looking too far
That not much Is really sacred.
- "It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding), Bob Dylan

Wal-Mart, surprisingly for the first time, is carrying a full line of religious toys including, but not limited to a talking Jesus and a talking Moses. Apparently the owner of the Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Company, "was troubled by a lack of morals and ethics in toys." I suppose he has a point. In fact, most toys I owned as a kid revolved around blowing stuff up and killing your enemy and my sister's were more of the "you're never going to be this perfect or pretty" type. At least my toys didn't highlight my "flaws."

This really is not big deal. We sell Jesus at every opportunity. Whether it's a politician proclaiming his piety while his minions ratfuck the opponent or an athlete throwin' it up to "Big 'J'" after violently ramming his way to the end zone. "Praise Jesus! Now watch me [viciously smear/chop block] my opponent." It's all the same, as Jesus has had a part in many great narratives.

Of course what push-back against amoral and unethical toys would be complete with the declaration of war? The Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Company has a subsidiary or division (it is hard to say which) called one2believe.com. One2believe.com is the moral and ethical warrior wing of the company, I guess. The "vision" is:

. . . to help children learn important Bible lessons and to have them come to faith in Jesus. Our goal is to provide fun ways of teaching children about the greatest people who ever lived. Through the toys that we design children will learn and play out exciting stories about real people. Our toys teach children that there are real superheroes they can believe in!

one2believe has a great desire to support parents in their battle for their children's hearts and minds. We pray that parents will take the lead by engaging their children in faith and get them excited about Jesus. In Phillipians it speaks about pressing on, at one2believe we believe that we will either influence the world or the world will influence us.

To advance this goal, they have declared a "Battle for the Toy Box." Because nothing spreads the word of God like kicking a little unbeliever ass, right? Or at least making sure your little Johnny never forgets that a white prophet from the Middle-East is the true Son of God. But do you think this will be a passive "battle" in the supposedly pacifist ways of Jesus and his gang? Check out the main graphic for the poster they recommend you download, print and distribute in your community and church.

I cannot tell if thats a "battle" or an "embrace." Either way, its kind of odd that in order to restore morality and ethics to toys, two, grotesquely-muscled, dudes engaged in "wrestling" is needed. But what should we expect?

Christianity, which a majority of people in this country "adhere" to, is always under assault and on the verge of being eliminated, right? So what better way to educate an attention-deficient child than with a toy! That will, like every other toy, eventually find itself at the bottom of the toy box, most likely sooner rather than later, battling over the toy box with maimed G.I. Joe figurines and miscellaneous Hungry-Hungry Hippos parts. UGH!!! There is so much wrong with this concept!

But the point is not educating kids about Jesus or the religious tenants of Christianity. No way. If people really practiced what a guy supposedly named "Jesus" who wandered the present-day Middle-East spouting Marxist screeds, changing water to wine and professing adulation towards the meek and the poor, we wouldn't recognize them as red-blooded Americans. This is Jesus as supremacy. Submit to him or Samson will sneak up behind you like you were Goliath (as depicted in the above picture). What's he doing to him anyways? Looks like he's trying to take back more than the toy box. Plus, I always figured Samson was down with that Delilah chick anyways.

To me, that's neither here nor there because. . .

BTW, check out more from The Bastard Fairies.

REEFER MADNESS!!!!!

It's coming for your kids. . .

Gordon Brown's plans to tighten the law on cannabis by increasing the penalties for possession suffered a fresh blow yesterday as the latest official figures showed the decision to downgrade the drug had been followed by a significant fall in its use.

British Crime Survey statistics showed that the proportion of 16- to 24-year-olds using cannabis slumped from 28% a decade ago to 21% now, with its declining popularity accelerating after the decision to downgrade the drug to class C was announced in January 2004.

[...]

Since cannabis was downgraded the proportion of young people using it has fallen each year from 25.3% in 2003-4 to 20.9% now. Among those aged 16 to 59, the proportion over the same period has fallen from 10.8% to 8.2%.

Quite honestly, I'm a little surprised by this development. Not because I'm against the gradual decriminalization or I think people who smoke marijuana should be punished severely (I don't think marijuana should be criminalized, nor it's users be punished at all). Rather, because I didn't think it would change the average usage that much. I just kinda figured the potheads in Europe were a lot like the American stoner - its available, lets smoke it. Weed is not that hard to find and, honestly, everyone smokes it*. So I guess it might be one of those things that becomes passe as soon as "teh man" doesn't care about it anymore?

Well, I guess not. . .

. . .The commission also says there is no evidence a drug's classification deterred use, and suggested that instead of tinkering the whole classification system should be placed outside the direct control of politicians.

Either way, hopefully this opens up the debate a little more. That or we can keep wasting money on a violent war against plants and chemicals. . .

* or personally knows someone who does